I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
