Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize