glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
