We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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