Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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