Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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