Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
