Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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