today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
