MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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