Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
