My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
