are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I don't think brook has ever known best
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
