i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
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What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
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I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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