On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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