This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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