phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
