Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
