Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
