Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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