Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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