I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
