Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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