I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
