Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
