this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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