just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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