You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Randomize
