I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
