accomplished twins. life is a go
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
