Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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