New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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