u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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