ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
