great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
PANTIES FOUND
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
