and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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