I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize