Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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