end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
fuck your aforementioned shoe
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
