remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
