Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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