I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
