You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
dude. I can hear the air.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
