Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
