Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
