I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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