I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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