you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She even gives head with a lisp.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
