I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
