you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
