i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
