Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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