sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
These tits shall not be calmed
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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