just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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