He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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