I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
