Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We have so much sex to catch up on
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
God, I missed his penis.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
