And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
