I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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