Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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