it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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